10 Things I’ve Experienced In My 30 Years in Church, That I Pray I’ll Never Experience Again

**DISCLAIMER** This is just for fun…seriously, if you’re still doing any of these things in your church, I’m really okay with that…really…I am. Disclaimer over!

Congregational Business Meetings: Was it just me, or did EVERY church have that one guy, who was holding up the whole process?

King James Sermons: Not just sermons using the KJ translation, but sermons that were actually spoken as if King James wrote them himself.

Christmas Cantatas: I know…many people still love these, but I’m pretty much fried on the concept.

Flannel-graphs: Visual relevance for the 1970’s. It was fun while it lasted, but I’ve moved on.

Pews: Never convenient when you’re sitting in the middle, the sermon’s running long and you have to pee.

Dedication Placards: Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s wonderful when someone leaves money behind to be given to the church when they pass away. But putting an “in memory of” placard on the vase in the woman’s bathroom pretty much guarantees it’s staying put for many generations to come.

Giant Sized Pulpits: It’s a place to put notes and hold the occasional glass of water…how much room do you need? Not to mention, there’s no room left for the drums.

Visitor Pins: Nothing says; “feel comfortable” more than a bright shiny “I’m a visitor” button attached to your lapel.

Elder Chairs: Ahh yes…the old days. 12 chairs that looked like thrones, lined up in a half circle behind the pulpit, where the Elders would sit and try and look like they were paying attention to the sermon.

Overhead Projectors: A classic…I always loved how the “O.P. Tech” would move the transparency the wrong way every single time.

How about you…any others come to mind?



3 Responses

  1. Ha! Before Dennis showed up at CoRR (Bethel Baptist Church in those days) we had a spaceship pulpit, casket communion table and orange carpet that would make St Peter himself puke…

    Ahhh… The memories.

  2. It wasn’t really a casket… It just looked like one… 🙂

  3. Oh my goodness! This has to be my favorite blog ever! I about cried when I read it from laughing so hard! My fav was the flannel graphs. Ask Lou Ann what the first thing I couldn’t stand about what churches do in their children’s ministries- this was it! You know what’s even funnier or sad rather? At vale we use them in preschool! I’ve fought to throw them away but I’ve lost many times!

    Anyway this is great!


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